what good is a life with no one to share
October 24th, 2007 at 3:38 am (Daily Life)
we belong together,
like the open seas and shores,
wedded by the planet force,
we’ve all been spoken for
what good is a life, with no one to share,
the light of the moon, the honor of a swear.
we can try to live the way in which you speak,
taste the milk of your mother earth’s love,
spread the word of consciousness you see,
we are everything we need
- Gavin DeGraw
I’m not happy at college. I wonder if this is a common thing that people go through in the beginning. It’s a transition thing, right? Everyone around me always seems so happy, it’s hard for me to think that this holds true for them. The fact of the matter is I shouldn’t be unhappy. I have no right to be unhappy. There are so many things going for me that it would be completely retarded of me to think that I have it rough. But I just can’t shake this unsettling feeling within me. It hurts because I feel like everything that makes me upset is my fault. When you have control of everything, you also hold the responsibility and the blame.
I’m so weak and selfish. And here I am whining about it instead of doing something about it. But what am I supposed to do? Why are people so sure of themselves?
Even though I may sound immature, I miss high school. Not necessarily school itself, but the environment that shaped my daily life. I should have known how good I had it then. My life was so stable, my friends always there, steadfast and unchanging. I know that when people look back in nostalgia they tend to pass by the not-so-good moments. I know there were still troubles back then. But that doesn’t diminish my pain of missing it. There was a sort of resigned comfort there in the presence of people who have known you since those middle school days. I suppose this is what is sustaining that dull ache in my heart, a yearning for the simple. It is said that the people you meet in college become your lifelong friends. I know that everything in college happens faster because so much more time is devoted to social interactions. But however way you slice it, four years is still four years. Knowing someone for 7 years in childhood versus 4 years in college makes a difference to me. I like the idea of knowing people’s histories, who they were before. Things are so different now.
Anyhow, I should be sleeping now. Whatever happened to 9.25 hours for optimal performance?
Z said,
October 24, 2007 at 4:41 pm
:/ … maybe it really just does take some time. You’ll get to be more comfortable with those you’re around after a while. Ask your friends if they think you seem like a happy person haha XD maybe you seem like a really bubbly person to them too. I kind of miss it too to be honest….. There isn’t anyone here that I’m as comfortable with compared to people back home, but I think it’ll just take some time. Talk to them about their past and you’ll get to know them. I know it’s not the same as growing up with somebody but if you hang around them enough and learn about their past it’s probably the next best thing XP. Haha, this is coming from me… I don’t normally even talk to people. That was a mistake that I made when moving to CSH lol, so when I got here I tried to beat it into my head that I needed to be more sociable. Use change to counter change :D! I know you hate it lol.
Maybe God’s trying to break you from your comfort zone. Being too comfortable isn’t necessarily a good thing ya know… don’t know if that makes sense to you at all haha. He could be preparing you to be able to reach out and talk to people more so you won’t have to suffer too much later on. Because most likely, you’ll end up meeting new people every day in the future.
Wish I knew what was making you upset though… I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself. But I don’t know the specifics :/ you could tell me if you want to though. If not, that’s cool too haha XP it’s just an offer!
sP said,
October 25, 2007 at 1:51 am
I’m agree with Z…
For me, finding people that I was comfortable with, that kind of eased the transition and made me not miss home as much…I also talk a lot to people from syo - text messaging when any of us are bored, iming, facebook and best of all, skype or video chatting…
But I guess that’s just stuff if you miss the people, whereas you’re talking about something else entirely. Still, if its the presence of people you’ve known for a long time that you miss, it’s in your power to bring the presence of those people back to you…you could always hang out w/ lauren or other syo people; you could take breaks from the vicious workload and visit people (hint; boston)
listen, you can’t control your emotions…there’s no point in beating yourself up about being unhappy. Noone who knows you or cares about you will think that you are being spoiled or selfish or weak…we all have these moments; you’re no different. Everyone has stuff going for them, yet they still have their moments where everything seems lost
my proctor told all of us that everyone feels insecure or lost when they first get here, and they always feel like they’re the only ones that feel that way…
Keep your head up :-P, hope that helped…
i echo z’s offer