yes. i am doing them.

1. play wii fit once a day.
2. don’t eat outside of meals (except sunday).
3. sleep before 1 am.
4. go to sunday service.
5. be awesome.

okay. go.

today i will not sleep at 4am. repeat.

nothing quite interests me recently. i feel like i’m being targeted by those antidepressant medication commercials that ask questions like, “do the things you used to love no longer interest you anymore? that could be a sign of depression…”
i am a quite passionless person, but i’ve been feeling even more -meh- than usual. i’m not really fired up about anything, and i don’t find anything very interesting or awesome or mindblowing. i’m hoping it will blow over but it’s been like this for a while. maybe i have seasonal affective disorder haha. ship me off to asia please. i’m sure it will be cured immediately.

christmas is over. the anticipation didn’t live up to the actual event, but that’s the thing with growing older. i hate it. it’s not about getting the gifts you want, which is materialistic and overly demanding, but more about the christmas spirit. i just wasn’t feeling it. i want to revel in innocent, unadulterated joy, but it grows more difficult as the years go by. watching “a charlie brown christmas” made me feel better though.
unmet expectations really suck. it’s cliche but it really is so true. there are no absolutes, only perceptions of reality. and expectations, whether surpassed or failed.
i appreciate the christmases i have though. i don’t want to fall into an ungrateful rut. i don’t know how many families have such a longstanding tradition as we have, but i’m glad it is always celebrated with all my cousins as per usual and that opening gifts is always the same ruckus that it has been since i can remember.
and now we have the new years. i love new beginnings, a chance to start over. that’s why i love the beginning of every semester, loved buying new supplies when i was younger, love new notebooks, new computers (well that doesn’t happen often but still), not because of newly having it, but the prospect of something amazing happening. like, this time it will be different. i know it is just a human-created phenomenon that makes us feel better about our crappy moments, but i want to have that feeling of a fresh start nonetheless. i don’t mind such a harmless human construct. i still want to believe that a new year means something different, something better. i struggle between being defiant and not setting resolutions because they only make me feel good for a few days until i break them, or making them anyway just to see what i can do with it, see what happens. again, what’s the harm? i guess i’ll ponder that in the following days…

happy holidays everyone :] everyone needs a little more happiness. i don’t believe in too much of a good thing. especially if it’s happiness.