Soliloqui

self-centered

Christine — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:58:54 +0000

i like to creep lightly in life’s quiet crevices
among the harried and hurried crowds.
above the clamor of the coffee cafe
my thoughts are calm and come in rolling waves
no one knows me here
i sit by myself
in myself
watch myself
let the caffeine call to my sleepy senses
they speak
and the sound
escalates to a
hush. no one’s here
i hear no one.

Progress

Christine — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:42:47 +0000

I’m headed home but I’m not so sure
That home is a place you can still get to by train

Oh, I suppose they’ll say I should’ve known
Or maybe I’m just feeling old
Like a lawyer with no one to blame

Oh, well the wind starts to look like her hair
And the clouds in her bright blue eyes

So we’re picking up our things
And we head out in the cold
And your eyes are where you carry the pain

your bed

Christine — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 02:27:51 +0000

the way the sunlight
hits your fluffy pillows
so soft and white
in the morning
and your sweet sleeping face

bed’s so big and soft
it’s like a home
no need for the room
my hair’s messy
and you like it
well i like yours that way too

keep the ac going strong
so i can nestle under your sheets
it’s so warm with you here

the wedding pt2

Christine — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:20:21 +0000

thickly pulling down, still swiftly rising up
thin wisp of breath breaks beneath the din
oh Lord! knees shaking to the gravel,
so vile a deed, you can’t, i won’t, there’s no sin
equal to such fate, his eyes grow dull

Socially Awkward

Christine — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 17:46:54 +0000

I think the reason I was so antisocial in middle school to high school was because I thought I was being social through AIM and Xanga.
Sigh. Technology.
How I love and hate you.

the wedding

Christine — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:07:13 +0000

your smile shines on me
i see your face
it’s so far away

it’s so easy to forget
we’re not so strong
not so strong

love is a strange power
it makes us feel
we’re not afraid

but when this
thin paper of life, it breaks
love shows us the way

love makes us feel invincible
but when we lose our faith
yeah we lose our faith…

Christine — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:06:18 +0000

“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.” - Cecil Beaton

The End.

Christine — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:27:21 +0000

“Hi Christine!” He smiles that same old smile that I used to find sweet, but now is only sickeningly so. His voice prickles through my skin.
I hate that he pretends everything is okay, but in a moment of horror I realize that he’s not pretending. He’s better than okay. The sound of my heart breaking echoes through only my ears.
Thanks for forgetting about me.
Forgetting that maybe once, you might have cared.
It was so easy for you, wasn’t it?

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Christine — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 02:03:50 +0000

It’s so cold here
Never felt the chill before
My walls were never thin
Opened the doors and windows
to let you in
The empty draft lingers
Should have locked up tighter
not let the curtains blow in the wind

I wanted to be like Juliet
but you said Juliet’s dead
“Be my Romeo” I plead
“I want to be Romeo
But not for you” he said,
“Don’t bleed for me”

I thought I was so strong
Thought it wouldn’t be too long
before I could smile on my own

Why’d I trade in sundresses for corsets?
I still love running in the rain
Someone come dry me off, though
Catch me, if I’m too free I’ll fall

Remember that smile?
So sweet in the sun
Rays shone in your eyes
Grass was greener on this side

Dandelions drifted away
You sneezed into the spring wind
Weeds sprung from where the sidewalk ends
Cicadas chattered under passing clouds

These are all mine yet so far from me
Ended too soon before I could see
The sun had set and I missed the glow
Snow fell and I didn’t know

Stay for a while
I promise I’ll be good
I miss the gold
Don’t wanna grow old

Just give me dawn
I promise I’ll move on

Light Years Away

Christine — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 02:29:50 +0000

It’s almost like you had it planned
It’s like you smiled and shook my hand and said
“Hey, I’m about to screw you over, big time”

It’s how you wanted it to be
It’s like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend in the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I’m never going back
To who I was

- MoZella

Sometimes I feel like it’s been too long for me to feel this nagging pain and sense of loneliness. I constantly remind myself that life is too short to give up my days to this hurt anymore, just as I remind myself that there are countless tragedies going on in the world and what I’m going through is incomparable. But I just can’t help it. My brain tells me one thing, but all my emotions keep me from putting things in perspective.
I think I do it to myself. Some part of me wants me to wallow. I don’t know why. I don’t want to detach myself from it because it’s like proving that it’s really over, when it really has been over for quite some time. My heart’s not really in it. When you’re sad, the sadness is comforting and happiness is elusive. But at the same time, I’ve been very happy these past few weeks. It’s just those times when I walk down the streets by myself, sit at my desk alone, lie in bed in the darkness that I think about all that could have been. Though I know that this situation is for the best, I wish it weren’t.